Always Be Dressed for Involvement in a Government Conspiracy

I've always harbored a secret fantasy that one day, through no fault of my own, I will be swept up in a government conspiracy alongside the likes of Matt Damon in The Bourne Identity. (I'm thinking it will probably look something like this, just so you can get a visual.)

Only, it's not so secret, and it's really not so much a fantasy as it is an assumption. So, the other day, while walking alone along Connecticut Avenue from the grocery store, I instinctively (yes, instinctively--I'm going to make a great spy's accomplice someday) reached into my pocket when the phone started ringing. Immediately, I knew that it wasn't my phone (my ringtone is Michael Jackson), but the one that someone had placed on me without my noticing. As I reached for the phone, I had the presence of mind to wonder if maybe I was just a little on the crazy side, because, instead of thinking "holy shit, what is this phone doing in my pocket if it's not mine?" I thought, "my time has come." As I took in my old tennis shoes and sweatshirt and wet hair, the next thought that ran through my head was "shit, I am so not dressed for this."

Fortunately, I couldn't find the phone and quickly deduced that, no, this was not my time--just a false alarm, and one from which I learned a great deal...always, always, always be dressed for involvement in a government conspiracy.