The World Is My Burrito

If you have not already heard--and please don't feel sorry for me--I lost my job about a month ago. There are lots of other opportunities out there that are much better suited to me. I think I hate telling people that I lost my job more so than I hated losing my job, because, honestly, I really don't really feel like I "lost" anything at all. I felt like such an outsider everyday that I spent there--I can't remember one time when I felt passionate about the work that I did, and when I watched others get into heated arguments (it happened frequently) about our material, I inevitably found myself standing there, head cocked curiously to the side, wondering "why do you care so much?"

However, I wish people would stop asking me what "field" I'm in, what "type" of work I do. I've only been out of school for a year, and I don't want to continue doing the type of work that I've been doing. Wouldn't it be awful if you had only one shot?

I may not have solid career goals, but I know what I like. And what I don't like. And my qualities, as they may or may not relate to the workplace. I enjoy people. I enjoy asking questions, but I don't like to be questioned myself--at least not overtly, in a confrontational manner, and, believe me, this is where people generally fail. Asking questions is an art, and subtlety must be practiced. When conversing, my mind is always one step ahead. Instead of asking subtle questions, I subtly steer the conversation in the direction I want it to go. In the right situation, I love talking about myself. And I'm good at talking. When necessary, I can be delightfully entertaining, and I never allow an awkward silence to last for more than a few beats.

I hate the 9-5 lifestyle, I hate getting up for work, I hate the commute. I hate sitting behind the same desk everyday, going to the same meeting everyday. Living like that sucked the creativity out of me, kind of like this Diet Coke I'm drinking is sucking the calcium out of my bones. I felt like the walking dead. I used to lay awake at night thinking of new projects, and I tackled most of them full on. Sure, some fell by the wayside, or just never got started, but at least I cared enough about them to regret it. Now, I just come home and stare at the TV for five hours before falling asleep and most nights I wish I could just stay asleep forever. I don't mean that in some emo, suicidal way...it's just that I care so little about anything I've done in the past year that I might as well have been sleeping.

I think the best ideas are born through conversation, preferably around good music, good food and drinks. I love writing. I love reading too, but, I probably love writing more. And I'm good at it. I love cooking. I love learning about food. I love baking. I love the science behind it. In fact, if they had taught that in chemistry, I probably would have retained some of that information.

Most of all, I love traveling.

I don't want to just read about things--I want to see them for myself. Even about the most exciting events, I don't read news reports about them, or biographies of the key players. I read autobiographies of people who were there. Because if I can't be there myself, the next best thing is to hear about it from someone who was. It's obvious to me now that I was born to be a writer--a journalist. I'm just trying to figure out how to do that. Please bear with me.