The other day someone told me that they thought getting into a relationship meant "losing options." Now, I don't know if this person meant "options" as in the ability to date a bunch of people at one time or if they meant "options" as life choices. I took it as the latter, but I often misinterpret things, so I guess I'll assume they meant both.
Question--aren't we supposed to have relationships? Isn't that kind of what it's all based on? Also, maybe I live in a fucked up city, or maybe it's just a fucked up time, but it seems like the majority of people I come across are very anti-relationship. They say they want it "at some point," but, over the past couple of years, I've watched people actively turn down opportunities for relationships. I try not to judge, but this really, really saddens me. I was raised to value commitment more than anything, and I often find myself wondering what the point of dating is if you're not seeking a relationship and marriage. As I relay my dating experiences to my mother, she is constantly astounded by the amount of "emotional baggage" people carry around that keeps them from having functional relationships. She tells me that it didn't "used" to be this way. I can't help but wonder (yeah, the Bradshaw reference) if she's right, or if her experiences and those of her friends were simply more pleasant than mine--perhaps it's only me that attracts the emotional fuckwits!
I've always known, since I was about 14, that I wanted a relationship, that I wanted to marry young. I just never said so. I think, back then, and even more so now, that there is a stigma attached to wanting those traditions. People tend to think you're weird. As I get older, though, the amount that I care about other people's opinions decreases more and more.
On my profile on a dating website I belong to, I've asked people not to message me if their heart isn't open to a relationship. "If I had a dollar for every time I've heard the phrase 'I'm not ready for a relationship,' then I would probably be able to buy myself a sweet pair of Manolos!" Guess how many messages I've gotten since I included that caveat in my profile? ;) (A grand total of zero.)
During the first few months I lived in DC, I had a date just about every week. I feel like I've matured about ten years since then. I've defined what I'm looking for and figured out what characteristics I want in a significant other. It's kind of like the Google "advanced search" feature. And, innocent dating is fun, I totally agree. It gives you an excuse to buy cute outfits and make-up! However, after the few months that it took me to "refine my search," I realized that I just don't have the patience to sit through another mediocre date. I'm ready for someone to sweep me off my feet, not invite me to sit on a park bench and watch Family Guy on their iPod in the freezing rain. For me, falling in love doesn't equate lost options, it opens a world of new ones!
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