Thanks, Sarah

I've always wondered how long I needed glasses before I found out that I did. The transformation was amazing--who knew that you were supposed to be able to see each, individual leaf on a tree? And that the font my teacher used in PowerPoint presentations wasn't really that small? And, while I know the practical uses far outweigh the aesthetic, as someone who doesn't like to wear jewelry, being able to accessorize with eyeware presented a fabulous opportunity! Yes, despite the obvious hassles like dirty lenses and no peripheral vision, I was glad to wear glasses. I wouldn't have had it any other way...

Until this one episode of Will & Grace, where Will's response to Jack's new glasses is "boys don't kiss girls who wear glasses." I was a sophomore in college, and had never had a boyfriend or, really, made out with anyone, and I was feeling more and more everyday like there was something "wrong" with me. When I heard that phrase, I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment, and I surreptitiously looked around the room at my friends, hoping they wouldn't put these two obvious ideas together, as I just had. The next day, I asked my friend Zac if he'd ever liked a girl who wore glasses. He said no, and then I told him what I'd heard on Will & Grace, and that I was beginning to think that, maybe, contact lenses were the first step on the road to...you know.

He told me it was high time I got contacts.

The next day, I made an appointment with my eye doctor, to be fitted for contacts. Six months later, I started dating someone. It was a disaster of a relationship, and one that would cause me grief for the next two years, but, hey, sans glasses, I finally made out with a boy.

These days, I wear contacts most of the time anyway, especially when it's sunny, because I like to accessorize with sunglasses. However, in the winter, I'm more apt to sleep a little bit later and leave contacts out of my morning ritual.

Not on date nights, though.

Recently, while preparing for a date, I asked a friend to help me choose between two different outfits. It was an overcast, blustery day, so I wore my glasses to work, but threw my contacts in my purse as I left the apartment that morning. I groaned about having to go put them in, which would inevitably mess up my make-up. She said "dude, you look way cute in glasses!" And she's right--I've always loved the way I look in my glasses.

Just then, an image of Sarah Palin popped into my head. Even I have to admit that, while the woman may be horrendously ugly on the inside, she's pretty smokin' on the outside. And what would she be without her Kawasaki rimless glasses? Just another piece of Alaskan trailer trash! So, I'd like to take this opportunity to extend my thanks to Sarah Palin, for bringing back the sexy librarian look. Or, at least, helping me to come to terms with my own!

(Oh, and, by the way, that date ended with a kiss.)

PS - No, I still won't vote for you. And I think your daughter is a slut. Hell, you're probably a slut, too.