The Importance of Salad Dressing

I've been known to, on occasion, go through periods of eating nothing but salads. For about a year in college, I ate from the cafeteria's salad bar at least once a day, if not twice. Weekends were the worst part, because I could always count on some vital ingredient being left out all together or looking too suspect to eat. However, an offense far worse than wilted looking spring leaves was when they didn't have the right salad dressing. Being the food snob that I am, there are some things that I simply refuse to eat, and ranch dressing (except with the occasional carrot stick) is chief among them, followed by anything from McDonald's and any Budweiser, Coors or Miller brand beers. The only "acceptable" dressing my school's little cafeteria had to offer was a raspberry vinaigrette, which was quite tasty, although I'm certain it was high fructose corn syrup in disguise. Back then, though, it was good enough for me. Apparently, the other students thought so as well, as it was often missing from the spread, and after it had disappeared, no amount of begging the cafeteria employees could bring it back--one woman even deigned to tell me that they never had such a thing! Anytime they didn't have it, the Rolling Stones "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" played in my head as I allowed my day to be ruined by my failure to obtain the key ingredient to the salad I had spent the entire morning daydreaming about. I would curse every dime of tuition I paid to the institution and settle for an inferior sandwich, or, on some particularly maddening days, a burger, and eat it, stewing alone in the corner seat of the dining hall.

It was then that I realized it was time to take matters into my own hands. Back then, I enjoyed going to the grocery store just about as much as one does having a root canal, and went to great lengths to avoid it. I ate a lot of leftovers, scrambled eggs and occasionally made meals out of Pop Tarts, but when those ran out, I was faced with the dilemma of eating the dregs of my pantry, which, for years, included a box of rice noodles whose origins were unknown and a box of Saltine crackers purchased by a friend when I had food poisoning. One evening, on the way home from school, I decided to avoid the grocery store once again, and prayed that maybe I would get too involved in that night's episode of Lost to get hungry. Since there was a fat chance of this happening, and I knew that I had already finished all the eggs, Pop Tarts, packets of oatmeal and pancake mix (breakfast foods for dinner were also a college staple) days ago, I realized, as I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex, that I would probably have to have to eat the rice noodles, if I wanted to avoid the grocery store one more time. I consider what happened next to be my finest act of culinary heroism, because I marched into the small kitchen of my apartment and, as if by magic, pulled out a box of cous cous and a yellow onion. I never figured out how the onion had materialized in my pantry, but why look a gift horse in the mouth? A simple meal of grilled onion and cous cous kept me away from the grocery store for two more days, and serves as a lifelong reminder that, yes, one often can make something out of nothing.

Suffice to say, in those days, it usually took an act of God to get me into a grocery store, so I took myself and everyone around me by surprise when, in the middle of the day on one of those wretched, no-dressing days when the world and all it's inhabitants were against me, I drove straight from the salad bar to the grocery store and bought a five year supply of Newman's Own Light Raspberry & Walnut dressing and a package of 8 Mini-Round Gladware containers. From then on, I slept the peaceful sleep of a human being who knew that her day would never be ruined by an incompetent lack of salad dressing again.

Every morning, I would fill up one of the Gladware containers with my dressing of choice, seal the lid tightly and enclose it inside a Ziploc bag to avoid any mishaps, and drop it into my backpack or purse. My college experience happened to be blessed with professors who cared very little about formalities, preferred to be called by their first names and could not give less of a shit whether we ate lunch or got up to go to the bathroom during class. The semester that I started bringing my own salad dressing to school, I usually ate my lunch during the first few minutes of my grant writing class, impressing both my professor and peers with my salad dressing ingenuity. Secretly, I hoped that I would become known around campus as the Girl Who Brings Who Her Own Salad Dressing to School and that, maybe, a Facebook fan club devoted to me would pop up one day. As far as I know, this never happened--more evidence of the fact that the world is so much less interested in you than you might think (a fact of life that can be comforting, especially during embarrassing moments, like when you show up to a conference in dirty jeans, a sweater and tennis shoes and realize that you failed to get the memo about business casual attire). But, it did allow me to live in relative culinary peace, brought the price of my salad by weight down to a very reasonable amount and, most important, taught me that, very rarely, does the world provide what you want. You've got to go out there and find it yourself.

Meredith's College Salad

2 large handfuls leafy greens
Chopped red onion, to taste
4 yolks of hard boiled eggs, crushed
Chick peas, to taste
Shaved cheddar cheese, to taste
Raisins, to taste
Croutons or toasted walnuts, to taste
2 tablespoons Newman's Own Light Raspberry & Walnut Dressing

Fill the bottom of a large, styrofoam to-go container with the lettuce, and sprinkle the following ingredients on top, making sure to end with the salad dressing. Pour the dressing lightly over all areas of the salad, making sure to reach all corners. Close the lid and shake.